Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Time

Hey everyone! It’s been a while. You know, life and all. I’m just going to give you a brief message to commemorate this special day.

Christmas is a special time for Christians, obviously. What does it celebrate? Nowadays it is more of a secular holiday, with stores raking in huge profits and everyone exchanging gifts. For Christians, it is the day when our Lord and Savior was born. I am a Catholic, although I can say that I like indulging in gifts and fancy dinners, haha. Can non-Christians celebrate Christmas? Technically, no, since that would involve remembering Christ, but holidays like these usually invoke a sense of well being and kindness for our fellow men, so in that sense they can participate in the celebration. It’s good to not forget this aspect of holidays, to all be united and to share love with our family and friends. As for Christians, we also should remember the birth of our Lord and to celebrate that as well. I love holidays like Christmas because it puts all these things in perspective. We all have our problems, but most of us should be grateful for what we have, and so it’s important to not lose sight of this.

I know it’s a bit late, but I wish everyone a Merry Christmas with blessings from God. I hope everyone can enjoy this holiday season!!!

And don’t worry, I’ve been having a busy and rough semester, but I will try my hardest to keep this alive. Thanks for your support!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Beauty and Aesthetics

Wow….two months have gone by since I’ve written for this blog. What a lazy guy, right? Distracted by work, friends, sleep, etc. But hopefully I can churn out some quality writing more frequently.

Oh, and about the Lenten thing- I’ll talk about that another time!

But now……..time for the post for today, which will be about beauty.

“Beauty, you say?” Yup, beauty. More importantly, aesthetics. Why am I talking about this? Well, I’ve always been interested in looks. Funnily enough, I myself am not a vain person per se; I don’t go out of my way to look incredible, for instance. I am just an average guy with average looks. I do like things that are visually appealing though. Beautiful architecture, beautiful women, beautiful scenery, beautiful technology. Beauty manifests itself in many ways and many forms.

Actually, this topic came to mind a few weeks ago. If you’ve noticed, the blog has a brand spankin’ new look to it. After visiting from an extended absence, I noticed that the blog had a new “edit template” to it and so I decided to fiddle with it. After a while of exploring the options, I made it work and got the result that you now see on the blog. Looks nice, right? And so, I got to thinking- I need a new topic for the blog, so why not comment on how I changed the look? This led me to think about aesthetics in general.

Ever since I was small, I’ve liked drawing and coloring. Unfortunately, I was never good at drawing, although my techniques have vastly improved since my stick figure days. I was good at coloring though, since back in the days, your biggest worry is keeping inside the lines. I also have thought that I have a good sense of color matching. I don’t use this to match my clothing, because it works slightly different and until very recently, I’ve never cared much about clothing or that kind of thing. But colors…..like coloring scenery, or making patterns for robots, that sort of thing I liked and was pretty good at. I’ve never taken an art course before (although I will soon!) so my knowledge isn’t academic but more innate, I think. It’s nice to arrange things to bring out the colors or make certain things stand out more than others, like stocking sodas of different flavors.

I’ve always been fascinated by colors. My favorite color used to be red, since I was a huge fan of the Power Rangers, and come on, who doesn’t want to be the Red Ranger? But soon, I started developing a leaning towards gold, white, and black. Right now, I prefer blue more than anything but I appreciate every color and I know how each color can look nicer when paired with another complementary color.

Beauty in general is a mysterious thing. Most people admire beautiful things more than ugly things, but many people disagree what beauty truly is. Some women who are considered beautiful by some could be considered only average by others, although there does seem to be a consensus on who the most beautiful women are. There are women who aren’t that appealing to most but a few people find them absolutely amazing. Of course, this applies to men as well. There are some people who look at art and declare it a masterpiece while others shun it and call that particular piece or style as garbage. Some people find the calm and refreshing beauty of nature appealing while others look at skyscrapers and cities as a sign of technological beauty. beauty is something that cannot be described by only one set of adjectives, it is something that each of us contribute and that no one person can claim as right.

I used to consider people as ugly, evil creatues, but now I can see them as beautiful, in physical, mental, emotional, all different types of aspects. I can now see the beauty in human nature, both as part of nature and as something more. People as well can see beauty and admire beauty in others. I hope that you can also think about beauty and just take a minute to take in the beauty. Till next time, see ya!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

What Does It Mean To Be Pro-Life?

Hello all! I’ve been slacking off with blog posts, so I’m going to add another one to the count. Like I said, I’ve been writing a lot about me during this past year and not enough about what I want to talk about (although to be honest, I kind of wanted to tell people all that stuff :D) but at the same time, it served to start developing some of my ideas and also to think about my life. Think of the last year of blogging as an introduction to the mind of an eccentric individual. (I probably said this last blog post too, and upon further inspection, it seems I did. I have a bad memory, heh heh)

This is something I’ve wanted to develop for a while, but due to laziness/forgetfulness/actually being busy, I haven’t had time to write about it or think about it much. I give credit to this nifty little blog I found the other day while stumblingupon (http://experimentaltheology.blogspot.com/2010/05/pro-life-or-anti-sex.html). It is interesting and I have already spent a couple of hours reading the blog posts that Dr. Richard Beck has written.

What does it mean to be pro-life? Usually, when you think “pro-life”, you think in context of the whole abortion debate. I’m not going to get my hand too dirty with that just yet (maybe for a future post), but I will talk about it for a bit now. Wikipedia defines it as thus: “The pro-life movement is a political and social movement focused chiefly around opposition to elective abortion, and support for its legal prohibition or restriction. Those involved in the movement generally maintain that human fetuses and, in most cases, embryos are persons, and therefore have a right to life.” Seems accurate enough, right?

Well, sometimes I have thought about what exactly this means. For an example, Republicans are usually pro-lifers and proclaim to be against abortion and for the protection for the fetus. (Just to make sure, this is not indicating that I am Democrat or anything. I really don’t lean to either side heavily although I do consider myself more liberal.) However, many of them advocate the death penalty for criminals who have done severe crimes. You can take this and reverse it for Democrats. When I see this, I think “really???” Where is the consistency?

To me, what “pro-life” means is more than just in the context of abortion. My ideas on this topic have evolved greatly from when I was smaller. Growing up Catholic, I have always been anti-abortion, and I continue to do so, but now with more reasons to do so and an ability to defend those beliefs. But due to my mindset, I did not see a problem with capital punishment. Once my ideas started evolving, due to an increased desire and thus desire to learn more about theology, as well as my favorite anime show (Rurouni Kenshin, about a former assassin who atones for his killings and talks about the mindset of killing and saving life), my mindset shifted. I started thinking about what it means to really kill someone, if that killing can be justified, and what the meaning and value of life is. I didn’t regard life with much value, but once I assigned human life with a value, a divine one at that, it suddenly became much harder to condone capital punishment. I eventually started to believe that it was wrong to kill someone for punishment, partly because God is the judge, not us, and partly because all human life has value and it should not be taken away so easily. This mindset has only grown during these past couple of years.

So what does this mean for pro-life? For me, “pro-life” means to try to preserve life as much as possible. I do have to specify here, when I talk about life, I am talking about human life. The reason being is that I do not believe that a non-human life carries the same value as a human one, although this is no reason to disrespect animals and such. I simply do not believe that an animal, for instance, carries the same value as a human life, but it is still necessary to take care of them in a loving manner. Anyway, my stance is one of protecting human life. To be truly “pro-life” you should be consistent, in my opinion. How can you truly proclaim to be pro life if you are not really pro life; that is, you’re not promoting the existence of life by killing criminals? Yes, you can make the argument that they deserve it, and I might be inclined to agree that they should be punished. But is it fair to take a life as punishment? Something as precious as life? The same thing with euthanasia. However, I do realize that this is a complex issue. There is no “right” answer; if there was, more people would be following it.

I am not here to tell you to stop, although it would be nice if people could think like me. I just want you to think about what it means to be pro-life and to be consistent in your beliefs. I feel that life is too precious for any one person, organization, or gov’t to just take away. I feel that we should strive to preserve life as much as possible, it is that valuable.

Well, I hope that this gave you at least a bit to think about, and that you can take something out of this reflection. Like I said earlier, don’t forget to visit Dr. Richard Beck’s post. He spoke similar to what I said, although probably in a more intellectual manner and more succinct. Also take a visit to his blog (http://experimentaltheology.blogspot.com). Lots of interesting topics to read about.

Till next time, hasta luego!!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Particle Physics Antics and Broken Parity

Hey again! This is going to be a short one because I’m lazy. :D

I’ve been meaning to put an astronomy post but it’s been almost a year since I’ve been here and I’ve been neglecting to actually put any relevant information on here, with most of my blog posts talking about me and my problems. Well, I guess they serve as a good introduction. Anyway, today I got into my stumbleupon groove and found a nice little article about particle physics (it’s not astronomy, but close enough, right???).

For One Tiny Instant, Physicists May Have Broken a Law of Nature (http://opa.yale.edu/news/article.aspx?id=7358)

With a title like that, it has to be ridiculous, right? Well, it is pretty crazy but it’s not “WHOAMG SCIENCE”. Well, at least not to me, because I know a bit or two about what the article’s describing. Basically, these scientist guys in Long Island (hey, that’s right where I live!!!) smashed gold atoms together in order to study parity under extreme conditions. In simple words, parity is the property that the laws of physics do not change when your coordinates are inverted. For a different way to look at it, think of a mirror. When you look in the mirror, parity is conserved. The positioning of yourself is opposite in the mirror; your left hand is inverted, etc. The weak force, which causes radioactivity in atoms, breaks parity law, and this was discovered in the 50’s. However, the strong force, which keeps nuclei together, has conserved parity until now.

The collision of the gold nuclei made a quark-gluon plasma, which is theorized to be what the early universe consisted of in its earliest seconds. The plasma created a very strong magnetic field, and this is what alerted the scientists about the parity breaking, since parity breaking on its own is difficult to detect. A quote on how they saw this happen: the scientists “found that quarks of a like sign moved together: Up quarks moved along the magnetic field lines, while down quarks traveled against them. That the quarks could tell the difference in directions suggested to the researchers that symmetry had been broken.” That is, the quarks knew what direction they were going, as opposed to equal amounts of each going up and down. The scientists, of course, remained a bit skeptical, and want to make sure that it might not be anything else. However, they have hope that this can lead to more discoveries, and maybe some answers into another question, that of the dominance of matter over antimatter in the universe.

To me, this sounds like good news for science in general. It would be nice if more programs like this were around to do more sciency things and find more answers. With the LHC, the possibilities for even more discoveries like this seem likely. So remember- contribute! Become a scientist or lobby for more money given to science, or something!

This is all very interesting, and I probably will update the blog with more science news to get some buzz for these things. Till then, see ya and take care!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Woman.

Hello all!!! Today, I want to talk about something that I’ve wanted to talk to for a while. It is something that pertains to everyone, whether you are one of these or not. Woman. A creature with many intricacies, delicacies, twists and turns. Out of all of God’s creations, none has mystified man more than his counterpart, woman.

I’ve been surrounded by woman my whole life. Yes, I have both a father and a mother. However, for the first years of my life (that I remember), I only saw my dad in the afternoons after he had finished work. He then went to rest, as he is a fragile person, even now (he has a sense of superhuman quality to him despite this). He went to rest, and I usually did not see him after dinner. My mother was the one who attended to my every whine and complaint. Later on, my parents opened a grocery store together, so I, as a seven year old, stayed with them till they went home. Two years later, my dad still worked long hours in the store, but my mom was “free” to take care of us back home (I have two sisters) and so, I saw less and less of my father and more and more of my mother. I feel this is one of the reasons why me and my father are not as close as I am with my mother. Anyway, my mother raised me, taught me, punished me, hugged me. My dad could not be there because of work, so my mom had to take over the role of first guardian. Even now I confide more in my mom than I do with my dad.

Growing up with two sisters is not easy. They are almost as old as I am, since I am the oldest and they differ by a year, so my older younger sister is a year younger and my younger younger sister is two years younger than me. We were peers and grew up at the same rate. Although we talked and played with dolls and action figures together, it was not the same as having someone who understands you like a brother would. The difference between man and woman became somewhat apparent here, with my sisters liking to doll themselves up and such while I liked to be rough and be active. Also, due to problems making friends with kids in school, I became more reclused and so I did not develop good social habits, which helped distinguish me between my sisters and I, and even with the rest of my cousins my age. However, I did pick up certain habits, or more accurate to say, influences. Because of being surrounded by girls, I did know some basic girl things, and this knowledge extended into adolescence, like make-up, boy talk, etc. I am bad at picking up more advanced things, but still, a certain amount of influence stuck on me. I am not like a typical male; I am not really interested in cars, or sports, or any of that kind of thing. I like cooking, something typically seen as a womanly thing, and I also have a knack for artistic expression, as seen through the painstaking work I do on powerpoints so that they look visually appealing. I am sensitive, almost to a fault at times. I don’t consider myself a manly man, but just a guy. I can be pretty feminine at times, due to some mannerisms. It is strange to think of myself and identify myself more with women than with men, or at least used to be able to, since now I am somewhat more into what are considered “manly” things, although my core essentials have not changed.

Now to talk about other women. I’ve always had a problem talking to girls. Sure, back then when I didn’t need to worry about sociability and things like that, I was a happy kid. My first friend (in kindergarten, I had a friend in preschool but I never saw him again) was a female, and we were good friends until first grade, when she moved. That began my time of not having friends, which ran all the way until high school. Being a social recluse does not help in making friends, especially girls, who are different from guys. I first began looking at girls in a different way early on, actually. I remember having a crush on my student teacher, and a sort of pseudo-crush on a girl in fifth grade. However, that was only a child thing, puppy love. The first inklings of something more came in seventh grade, when I started thinking about this one girl more and more, but it wasn’t a true crush, since I liked how she looked, but I didn’t like her. This is something important because the way I view people depends on my mood and I can also separate personal feelings from cold analysis (usually). Then came eighth grade. This one girl, everyone liked. And how could they not? A transfer student, so she was virtually unknown, and good looking to boot! However, my attention was not caught until some time after February, and then it was like BAM! “I like this girl”. I was far too shy to ever work up any sort of courage to talk to her though. Then came high school. Second semester of freshman year, I saw this one girl, and it was love at first sight! I was mesmerized, I could not control my feelings. Sure, there were a couple of fairly good looking girls in my school, but that didn’t matter. I either didn’t like their attitudes, and thus were not appealing to me beyond a physical level, or they were taken, or I just wasn’t interested. But this one girl, she flipped my world upside down. It took 3 more years to actually express myself, but since I had never really talked to her before, it freaked her out, and now I sort of regret the way I went around telling her. But it was a learning experience for me. The feelings I had for this girl persisted for a time after that, in fact, until the beginning of this very school year. I can say that this girl was my first crush, definite and total. I am glad that I had enough courage to tell her though, even if indirectly. During this same time, some girls were talking to me and I began coming out of my shell. Of course, they joked around, I joked around, and the manner in which me and them spoke was…….let’s just say it’s not something that is common. This would be a problem in college. Going to college was, among other things, earth-shattering. Strictly talking to women, I was thrust into a position where I was talking to a girl for many hours as my small circle of friends became my new family. Before college, I had problems talking to girls especially, because I got shy around them, especially if I considered them attractive. Rapid exposure in college as well as carryover from high school mostly melted away that shyness. Being in a dorm where the whole top floor was girls also made me get used to talking to girls in a non-joking manner, especially since I didn’t know them very well. However, with my close female friend I made several mistakes and we have fallen apart. Regrettable but in a way it was unavoidable for a person like me to commit mistakes along the way, and I try to learn from them even though some of the same mistakes are cropping up again now. However, I am now far more sociable than I used to be, no longer the kid I was in high school, and I have several female friends. I am not as close to them due to fear of messing up again as well as me just being more compatible with the guys, but I have grown closer to them in certain aspects and I hope that the future will grant me the ability to make very good female friends.

As for what I think about women? They are very interesting. My experiences with my mother differ from those with my sisters and of my peers. I am bad at picking up social cues or any kind of hint for that manner. I can be a pretty dense person. I still cannot understand women well like other people can or have that inner connection with them. However, I can talk to women on a certain level and so far that works for me. I am confused by woman, to be honest. I do not see the point in many of the things they do. What is the point of carrying a large bag? It is useful to have a space to carry utilities, but many of those things seem useless. Of course, now that I can see more details I know that a woman might at any time use their lipstick or whip out a nail filer, like I have seen my sisters do. Other things like interests of women boggle my mind, like how women say they want a nice man but go after the disrespectful men instead. It is a paradox. The belief that women are complicated is not totally unfounded, although it can be exaggerated to dangerous heights. However, some things I can understand, like their sensibility, or the imagining of the pains that only women can bear, or even their trauma. If someone ever tried to do anything to my sisters I know I would be to their defense, but what happens to them, to their feelings? It is not the same for a man to be assaulted and a woman to be raped, and sometimes it is hard for men to understand what exactly rape entails. I can see that some women are strong but not all women can be that strong, just as like not all men can be strong, and their strength manifests in different ways. I can also appreciate the role of the mother more than that of the father, and can sympathize more with a mother than I can with a father. However, my understanding of woman is inevitable, like my understanding of men, lacking. I am similar to both but ultimately am not fully either. In the end, women on a basic level are like men- they want the same things at the end of the day and they have the same needs. Looking at it another way, women and men complement each other by giving what the other lacks. I appreciate what a woman is, and even though they confuse me at times, I know the world is more interesting with women around. I didn’t expect to talk so much about my experiences with women, but I hope that at least it gave you something to think about, as well as more insight into my mind.

My father once told me- “There is no such thing as an ugly woman. All women are beautiful”. Usually me and him don’t see eye to eye.

But I think this time, he may be right.

(Until next time! And Happy [late!] Mother’s Day!!!)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

End of School [2010]: A Report on Life, Universe, and Everything in Between

It’s been a while since I’ve been here! Busy, busy. Sorry, loyal fans, but never fear! Cuz I’m back and better than ever. Time for a well-needed update!!!

There are lots of things that I need to talk about, but for now, let’s get in the mood with some story time.

School……..well, college is a hell of an experience, that’s all I can say.

This year has been a hard one on me. I’ve mentioned my troubles in freshman and sophomore year both in real life and on this blog (I think!) so I won’t get into those too much. While freshman year was about discovering myself and my place in society and sophomore year was about solidifying my place and stabilizing myself, junior year was all about reaching new boundaries and doing new things, as well as finally making choices to determine the rest of my life. I’ve met some more friends (mostly all astro ppl, but some non astro as well!), gotten close to some of them, remained shaky with others, tightened previous bonds, and even recently, gotten to know some other friends better. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions and trials that happens to everyone, but something that still both mystifies and confuses me.

This year has been a strange one indeed. I want to talk about my decisions. I am at heart an astro kid, but the time had come to make my move for real. Taking so many math, physics and astronomy classes took their toll on me. While the astronomy classes weren’t too bad (with the exception of Astrodynamics, which is probably the hardest class EVER, and the class I dropped this semsester), the math and physics classes were murder. I didn’t worry too much about math, since I finished my strictly math classes last year. But this year the physics classes proved too much for me to handle. My Mechanics 1 class was beast, but not because the work was undoable, mostly because the professor was pretty bad at teaching the material. I bombed and would have to retake it over next year. Then came second semester. Quantum Mechanics is no joke. That is definitely a class you DO NOT want to take if your math background is weak like mine was. The homeworks were such a hassle to get done, and the first test I took emasculated me. Because of Mechanics 1, I was contemplating switching over to theology, which was always a possibility for me, ever since my interest in theology grew by leaps and bounds in HS. However, I had not come to a concrete decision until the beginning of second semester, and by that time it was too late to talk it out with my parents. I told them over the phone, but it wasn’t the same. They really discouraged me, and I felt a bit down for a couple of weeks. Nevertheless, I tried to make it work but once the middle of the semester came, I realized that I was way in over my head. I decided to talk to people about it, and I talked to the head of theology, who advised me to at least finish the astronomy degree if possible. One of my astronomy teachers advised me to look into comprehensive science, and once I checked it out, I decided to make my move. With or without approval from my parents, I thought it was finally time to make my own decision, and so I did. Senior yea r is going to be easier as a result, but all that stress for the past 3 years was now gone, and I was happier as a result.

Now onto people. This year, the freshman class was pretty large, 7 people, and there was 3 girls! A new record for our astronomy dept. anyway, I became friends with most of them. One of them rarely hangs out with us though. Out of the 6 that remained, one of the guys dropped, but I still talk to him and we’re pretty chill friends. One of the guys reminds me of me when I was younger, so I understand him well and we’re pretty good friends. The other guy who remained was on a bit of rocky terms with me, but by the end of the year had become a pretty good friend. Now the three girls…….ever since a certain incident my freshman year, I’ve been reluctant to have female friends, mostly due to my inexperience in talking to girls in a sociable manner. Nevertheless, I made friends out of all three, to varying degrees. One of the girls I was pretty close to, but for some reasons have drifted apart, although we remain good friends. One of the other girls is quiet and so I have not interacted with her as much. The last one I got to know especially well over the past couple of days and so I can consider her a very good friend. As for other friends, most of the friends who survived freshman year have gotten closer to me, and the friends that I made last year have also gotten closer. I am glad that I have been able to solidify my friendships

Now for shenanigans. I have had so much fun this past year, due to everyone here. From Halloween parties to Christmas parties to bbq and partying stuff, I have enjoyed people’s company and gotten to know people in different ways, especially at the parties I’ve held in my apartment for the past two weeks. There’s a different way to view people and a different way to express yourself once you’re in a party mood. I’ve gotten especially close to certain of my friends whom I would not have gotten to know better otherwise, and I am glad for that opportunity. I’ve also learned that I don’t really like alcohol. Being 21, I have the privilege to drink , but the more I try, the more I don’t like it. It’s funny. I guess this is just one of those things.

As the year comes to an end, I am surrounded by new adventures and a new mindset. I am returning to school to do some summer astronomy research and finish the remnants of being an astronomer, and hopefully my life can begin as something mine and something chosen. I am looking forward to having lots of fun and making many new memories along the way, and hopefully this will be the best summer yet! I am going to enjoy my time at home improving myself and hanging out with old friends and reminiscing about olden times. Then it will be time to go out and walk toward my future, and I want to thank my family and friends for supporting me. Thanks guys!

Well, that’s just a small recap. Of course, a year of knowledge and change cannot be expressed in one mere blog post, and I probably forgot what I want to write, but at least this is a little tidbit of myself and I hope you enjoyed it! And don’t worry, cuz now I have time to make more so wait for it! And anticipate my next post full of rich, chocolately knowledge!

Bye now, have fun!!!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Seriously? A Thought on Being Serious

I am a man of many faces. This is pretty redundant, since we all are complex beings. However, I like acting all dramatic, so yea.

Now let’s get serious (see what I did there?). Anyway, I want to share some thoughts about seriousness-ness and how it relates to me.

I am a man of many faces. To the outside world, I can appear happy, sad, cold, excited, strong, cowardly, etc. To my friends, I usually show a different side of me. Like I’ve mentioned before, I show my emotions too much at times, and this can be overbearing for the people around me. I have managed to keep those impulses under control more though, and I’ve learned how to better play the social game. But I digress. I try to act as jovial as I can among my friends. Why? One of the reasons is because I do not want to be overbearing with my emotional problems. I would rather work at them alone until I can reach a satisfactory conclusion, and if my problems involve other people, then I go talk to those people. But my problems should not cause anxiety in my friends. I have learned my lessons from freshman year with what it means to be emoting all the time.

However, there is another reason, perhaps a reflection of my cynical side. I am by nature a serious person, and a very paradoxical one at that. I have grown up alone, mostly because I had no friends until high school. I am used to solitude and if left alone, will retreat to it. However, I do feel a pain of being alone, and all those years of loneliness left me somewhat bitter when it comes to social interactions, as well as a craving of being in that social world. If left on my own, I retreat into my own world, alone, and yet I begin to yearn for social interaction. The only way to fight this is to take the poison slowly; that is, immerse myself in society. Due to my solitude, there are many things about people and interactions that I do not yet know (although I am improving!), so it is sometimes hard to have friends, but all in all, I enjoy being in the light instead of hidden in the dark, so to speak.

Being unable to completely express myself causes some problems, so I am frequently misunderstood in my intentions. I don’t mean to, but what can I do, right? This means that I have to pick my words carefully sometimes to get my point across. But it’s such a big hassle. So I decided that I won’t be serious and not try to convey any deep expression; instead, they will see me as a jolly guy who just likes joking around. The types of jokes I usually make (perverted/dirty jokes and a hint of flamboyant gay) sometimes bother people, but it’s how I adapted to my new social atmosphere, and also due to influence from back home. I try to be as non-serious as I can.

However, this isn’t the main reason why I am not serious. I remember when I was younger, when I used to talk to people, trying to talk to them about my likes. I was very passionate, and still am to some extent, although not as much as when I was younger. I talked plentiful about my love for astronomy, my favorite activities, etc. You know how kids can be. This had the unfortunate side effect of making people think I was annoying. Sure, I probably was, and possibly sounded pompous, what with my mouth running all the time. But it was not done out of any negative feeling, but due to being passionate. Still, this rejection left a deep impression on me, and still continues to this day. That is when I began retreating away from my peers. The same thing happened at home. My cousins would have none of that, and my parents were not interested in my ramblings. I became a lonely, sad, angry, bitter kid. I started developing a sort of superiority complex, since all I did was think, and it led me to think about things that can be considered more important than the latest TV show or song, like contemplation of our existence and our role in it. Still, I tried talking to people, but I soon realized that people do not want to think about those things. It’s not something that can be so casually discussed at dinner or remarked at a party. I became more of an introvert, decided that most people were incapable of discussing these types of things, not realizing what I know now. I considered the masses as mere sheep, unintelligent, and not worth my attention. I would not waste my time, I thought, trying to talk to people if they were inferior to me, so I decided to not talk to them about serious things. Of course, I had a serious exterior, hardened by bitterness, but by high school I decided to loosen up. I remember my peers in 8th grade telling me to loosen up, that I was too uptight. If they can only see me now……. Anyway, I managed to abandon my icy exterior, but my previous experiences have taught me not to talk about what I loved talking about most. Of course, I met a friend in HS, and he is still my best friend. I am grateful that he has been there to withstand my silliness and stupidity and has watched me grow. With him I actually can talk about serious topics, even if for just a bit. But for me, that makes me feel so much better. In college too, I have found people whom I can talk to in a serious fashion. However, it is really impossible for me to talk to my heart’s content about philosophy and theology (people’s passions change, right?) so the only one I can talk to about this is my good cousin, whom I consider like my brother.

I feel that if I don’t act serious, then people will just talk to me like a normal person, and that what I say they can interpret as jokes. Some of them tell me to act more serious, but I say no, because returning to my serious ways is something I would rather avoid. I don’t want to act like I used to back then. I still feel that if people don’t want to take the time to talk to me about something serious, why waste my time? I want my thought to, if not to be completely understood, to at least be heard and given some thought. I may seem as a silly person, and I am, but at heart I am serious, to a fault. I have not been able to balance myself, but for now, I am fine. It’s a struggle that will continue on. Till then, I will wait until I can express my serious side alongside my non-serious side.

To talk about these things….it takes me back a bit. I am glad I can get my views out through this site here, it affords me a freedom that is otherwise not possible as of yet. So now you know just a bit more about me. But I will remain enigmatic, because it’s more fun to know me as a mysterious wise man. So go on, enjoy your life! Why so serious?